When you’re worn thin and it hardly seems worth it.
Money isn’t everything, but it sure is a helluva lot of something. Money is a normalizer here in our material world, and trying to make ends meet is one of the largest challenges in our existence. We have to constantly struggle to meet this construct that was made by man, often in the stead of fending off nature itself.
I work for a friend and on my own. My tasks include calling people, offering our services and answering as much as I can about their questions, maintaining the website, and keeping our landline phone active. I try to satisfy these people. The same goes for Youtube, only less extreme and less draining. Yet with every turn, there’s always an uphill battle of trying to get the love of the audience.
How are you feeling then?
It just sucks that I come home to find people complaining about my very best. I changed voices so many times in the past few months that I’m having a personality disorder. I have stomached good and bad Let’s Plays and considered uploading the shitty ones just so I can have content. I’ve had to deal with cheapskate clients for my friend’s business and lousy commission rates, which I also use to keep the said business afloat. And I’ve had to deal with people critiquing my work when I’ve applied every theory I have in hand.
It’s come to the point where I’m tempted to take the proverbial table and bludgeon people with it. I am done. I have had it. Officially.
I dealt with underappreciation for my whole childhood. Feeling it in adulthood just put the final straw on my back. I am just done with everyone. Overworked beyond what most people deem normal, I think I have the right to feel ticked. Collectively, I do tech issues, reports, art, slideshows, data management, customer service, research, and editing. All to the point where I am the one-man army.
And the money is hardly the problem. I live with my family so that’s a small issue at the moment. But there is something I value almost as much as the money: communication.
Hear me out. It’s nice to be paid. But with the payment, I’d like some appreciation. Thanks or some chit chat. You know that friend I work for? Barely talks to me, and only does when he needs something. No idle banter or chit chat. I devolved from friend to convenience. And that’s what sucks so miserably. I become a commodity people find convenient. I am now just a tool. And it makes me sick.
I love compensation but I’d also like to be treated as a human being to be part of it. People come up to me for favors and I want to turn them down for the sole principle of being spiteful. But I do not. I cannot. I should be the one who turns the other cheek but instead I am the resident pushover.
You know what I feel? What I really feel? This.
Now that the rant is over…
Thanks for your support, guys. Just needed to let off some steam. Despite some bad moments, some of your support really brightens my day. I know I got into money issues here but donat only when you’re comfortable doing so. As much as Youtube fights me on ad revenue and video sharing, I’m exploring other avenues so you guys keep getting the yaoi goodies. So subscribe to my newsletter and be a part of the crew!
A video can take five hours to make and another three to just upload, so each one is a great deal of work. If you can, consider supporting my Patreon. I also have Ko-Fi and Paypal for those one-time payments if you prefer those. They keep the channel running and help me save for the inevitable day that I come out and get kicked out of the house.