I would like to address why I declared a hiatus out of the blue. But before we start, I ask that you all read (and listen) with an open mind. I come from a religious background and I value family very much. So this plays a part in it, but I do not want you all to violently attack any known group.
Also, the websites and channel will remain up during this time. I’m not taking them down yet.
A lot of blessings came my way this December. I had my December salary and my Youtube Adsense earnings come in and all was going well. But then on Christmas Eve, my mom decided to make an instagram account. My instagram account for California Mackyw as linked to Facebook so instagram recommended my instagram page to her. Shit went down. This was around the third time she caught me doing gay stuff, and there was an argument, a vehement one, about my sins, how I was a disgrace to her and the family, and most importantly a disgrace and menace to God. Not excluded were how she kept praying and praying for my soul and all my blessings and yet I throw that all in God’s face.
Suffice to say I felt less like a person, and it will take me a while to surmise all her points, but it involved a lot of religion, and once again, I am shoved back in the closet for the sake of family unity. I didn’t want to aggravate the situation so I agreed with all she was saying. I can’t afford my own place yet; I do not make so much out of Youtube to start renting an apartment, and I earn just a little more from work. We also try to settle my dad’s hospital bills which hit a significant amount in Philippine pesos.
Since then, there has been a real, palpable tension that I can’t seem to break and it has been hard to deal with since. She basically kind of gave up and just hoped and prayed to God that He’d fix me. I love and Believe in Jesus, but this turns off the religion aspect of Him from me. Conceited, I know, but it really just makes me a more casual believer than a devout one.
As much as I hate all this happening, I still love and care about my family, which is why I am in a dilemma. I’m not willing to give up either, if I could manage it. But the lying is weighing down on me.
Besides all this, you guys made 2018 a great year for me, and I can’t thank you enough. But with this, I’m not sure how the next year will be. I don’t want to quit Youtube while I’m doing so well and I don’t want to just live like this all my life, with all this back and forth.
This hiatus may be temporary or permanent. I haven’t decided yet, but I’ll do a formal video announcement on what I decide on. My end goal was really to earn enough to buy two apartments and then make them my own, plus a few bedspacers to share it with. Real estate has been something I’m looking into, but also selling online.
I will post the episodes I recorded and I hope you guys can forgive me for my decision for this hiatus.